It has been several months since my last post. I became very busy and in the grand scheme of all that was happening, this blog was the one thing that I could let go until the time became right for it again. I guess that time is now.
Back in March I was studying the mysteries of the Goddess. Since then, I have dedicated to Hecate for the remainder of this turn of the Wheel of the Year, until Imbolc. She has led me to a new path of learning. I am no longer taking the Goddess class from my Temple as part of their Second Degree tradition. I have instead joined a smaller group and started my training anew. I know this is the right path for me at this time.
Hecate has forced me to focus on my family again. I hate to admit it, but my responsibilities to my family got streamlined when I became focused on picking up the broom again. I was financially supportive and emotionally supportive when I was there. But I did not give the time to my family that they deserve. I take responsibility for my actions of neglect. Thank you, Hecate, for reminding me what is truly important and for providing a means to allow me to correct this imbalance.
I have been struggling lately. My husband and I celebrate today. We have been together in a committed relationship as life partners for fourteen years. Together we face the ups and downs of his mental disorder. He suffers from Bi-polar Schizophrenia. At times I just want to scream and go running off to some distant location to escape. Yet I know this solves nothing and leaves me without the one I love. It is a struggle some days and a blessing on others. We have our ups and down like anyone else. And that is what keeps me going. We all have triumphs and failures, hard times and celebrations. Each is unique to the couple experiencing them. But together we can face anything and experience the joys that life is truly about. This is why family must come first. Not just providing financially for them but giving the time, energy, and love they deserve.
We have just completed an episode of severe depression. This episode required two separate stays at a treatment center. The recent suicide of a celebrity nearly caused a third stay. He is doing better today. And we will remember to laugh, cry, and keep loving one another so that we can make it through one day at a time.
My spiritual training has started back over from square one. In speaking with other local Wiccans, I discovered that my first year of training lacked what I consider a great deal of information. But my new class is catching me up quite quickly. My teachers seem to be dedicated to guiding me and teaching me. My previous teacher became to busy or perhaps stretched to thin to teach me in a manner I felt was appropriate. I began to feel as though my learning was no longer important to my teacher. I put no blame on anyone. My previous teacher is a wonderful teacher and an inspiration to many. She has worked tirelessly and given generously to better the community of Wicca. My path simply veered in a new direction to meet my needs.
If you feel your needs are not being met by the situation you are in, it is up to you to change the situation. This does not have to be done through dramatics or by upheaval. Changing your path does not mean you are no longer friends with those you walked with. It does not mean those you called teachers have stopped being so. We all walk our own path. Our paths conjoin with others along the way. Sometimes this is for a short walk; other times it is for long walks. Those that are important to walk with will be there and your paths shall cross many times if your paths diverge. Trust in the Gods to guide you along the path that is right for you. But remember They only guide. You must choose which path you will walk.